Lawrence Ferlinghetti - Loud Prayer

I think I should probably use this blog a little more to put 'out there' various cool stuff I find and/or think others would benefit from checking out. And thus it starts:

I'm not necessarily one for poetry or prayer myself, being both ignorant of poetry and non-religious. However, I've always enjoyed the mock Lord's Prayer from The Last Waltz and thanks to a random internet trail that started from reading a tweet by popular madman Charlie Sheen I starting reading about the poet in question, the very interesting Lawrence Ferlinghetti, who used to hang out with all the Beat poets back in 'the day'.

Anyway, his delivery on the Last Waltz of the poem, Loud Prayer (or possibly Last Prayer, online sources seem to vary) is just outstanding, and well worth a watch. I've copied the words below the video.





Loud Prayer

Our father whose art's in heaven
hollow be thy name
unless things change
Thy wigdom come and gone
thy will will be undone
on earth as it isn't heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
at least three times a day
and forgive us our trespasses
as we would forgive those lovelies
whom we wish would trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation
too often on weekdays
but deliver us from evil
whose presence remains unexplained
in thy kingdom of power and glory
oh man

(thanks to http://syntaxofthings.typepad.com)

Back from the future - whatever happened to the internet?

March 8th 2021

Ten years on from the announcement of the 'cookie monster' law that ensured that all websites that use cookies (ie. pretty much all websites) had to get explicit consent from users to track them in any way using such a thing or not track them at all, we assess the impact of the change on the world that we live in.

In 2011 the European law courts introduced a rule to restrict the use of cookies by websites to only those users that had explicitly consented to their use. So, from then on, the next time that you enter a major website - for example Google, or Amazon, or the BBC website, or the MSN network - the website had to ask you if you would allow them to collect data on your website usage using this method. It also no longer remembers your log in, who are, what it is that you like to do there. Suddenly, the internet became a mess of pop-ups, incoherent warning messages, log in boxes, confirmations, tick boxes, that seem to imply that some Big Brother was and is collecting information on their every movement. The 50% of internet users who were perhaps less savvy in how the internet works, and with it online security and privacy, suddenly became more and more concerned at what they were doing online.

Questions were being asked that hadn't been considered before: Can Bill Gates get my online banking details and make even more money for that blasted foundation of his? Will Rupert Murdoch (God rest his soul) control exactly what news that I watch to ultimately control the decisions I make throughout my day? Will the BBC start fixing sports results to suit my own browsing patterns? So is that why on whatever website I go on I get reminded of that damn dating website I created a profile on 3 years ago? Users, with some justification but only a little, suddenly became scared. A fear set in that they were being controlled by the internet, by the websites, when all along they thought they were the ones in control.

Of course, fear is exactly what the governments, multi national news corporations, massive online retailers and everyone else has striven for for years. Fear of something different. Fear of not knowing the truth. Fear of the truth. Fear of not having the latest Stieg Larsson book from beyond the grave (and what a great prank that turned out to be, 24 books later). Fear of not owning the latest Coldplay collaboration with Jim Morrison or Elvis or Har Mar Superstar. Fear of not having the T-Shirt, trainers, football shirt that you are told will make you look, like, well sexy. Fear of not meeting the right person to go on a couple of awkward dates, sleep with out of politeness and then ignore until they stop calling/texting/Facebooking you. Fear of not knowing that the kid you used to sit next to in bottom set RE like pancetta. But fear of the internet?



Fast forward to present day. What has happened to that omnipotent, all-pervading, unspeakably influential force of the internet? A whole industry had sprung up before that moment, and entire towns in the south of England had transformed their main industries from whatever quaint, twee rubbish it was before to the making and managing of profitable, fun, useful, interesting websites. Those towns are now without industry or hope, and have shrivelled into empty hulls of trendy office buildings which are now squats for those displaced by the crash - the poor web developers, marketers or content writers with only 2:2 degrees, network disconnected HTC Desires and an item or 2 of ripped holey knitwear to show for those glory years of the 'Noughties'. There they smoke roll ups and desperately save the last of the South Asian beer that they drank on their gap year and then excitedly found in Waitrose before it all happened.

Where is the internet in our lives now? It's still there of course - governments still use it to pass on information to each other, but since they can't use it to inform their citizens of anything they've had to resort to employing buskers to provide the latest directives and laws to citizens - since everyone forgot all the songs that were stored on their Spotify accounts it's the only music there is. Internet soup kitchens exist in every neighbourhood, but since no-one can remember their log in details for anything they are mostly empty and used in the main to play Hearts. The Inland Revenue, of course, still has its massive cumbersome website which everyone must use by law to record their earnings and taxes but as no-one can everyone is fined an average of £10000 a year which they don't go on to pay...

There's other wreckage of course. Boarded up Amazon shops litter every block on the high street, boxes of celebrity autobiographies blowing into the wind. The word 'Google' now solely refers to the verb of trying to bowl a particularly unusual type of ball in the new kind of street cricket played by bloggers using words and random thoughts. The BBC now has all the money it could ever want and nothing to do with it. Bill Gates is now being cared for by his own foundation.

As we drift towards a Wellsian utopia can we reflect on that one day 10 years ago where it all changed for the worse? Or is this in fact an opportunity for our culture, our society as a whole to develop again, to find a new path that is more real and less reliant on an imaginary world which we create for ourselves? One where the guy we buy our books from knows what he's talking about, one where we make the effort to go and see friends we haven't seen for ages instead of some single perfunctory remark on a website on their birthday, one where we ask and discuss and learn in a social environment where we may not have all the information but that makes us feel good about ourselves.

Now is our chance United Kingdom of Great Britain, Northern Ireland, France and Estonia, NOW is our chance to move on from being a technology-led society of individuals to a people-led society of friends. This is my plan, this is my proposal to YOU, the people.

If only there was actually anyone online to read it....

Beware white elephants - Plymouth Argyle: A lesson from the present.

Tuesday 22nd February 2011 - 12.18

I sit here early-ish on my day off listening to England crack up against the Netherlands at cricket, but it's another sporting calamity that occupies my mind. Yesterday Plymouth Argyle of League 1 were deducted 10 points for, as I understand it, showing an intention of going into administration. I'm not entirely sure of the technicalities of the league rules regarding such things, but I'm sure there's a lot of good intentions of stopping clubs from getting into this kind of mess, and I'm not here to dispute that. 

Frankly the way the club has been run in recent history it probably deserves everything it gets. As a former resident of the terrace on the old Devonport End back when we were in the old Division 3 (which was actually the older Division 4) under the chairmanship of the much-maligned Dan McCauley, with few hopes of the rise to the top of half of the Championship that soon followed under the excellent stewardship of Paul Stapleton as chairman, I wonder now if it we'd have been better off now had we stayed as we were with little ambition or hope of being side by side with any of the big boys 2 divisions above. 

Well no, don't get me wrong - I wouldn't have swapped those Championship years for the world probably. That glorious victory at Wigan in their promotion year - I believe the only loss they would suffer all season at home, the FA Cup run where we could and perhaps should have beaten Watford & the imperious Ben Foster and gone on to a big money match up against Manchester United and the players that came and went - Ebanks-Blake, Halmosi, Buszaky, Friio, Mackie, Hayles, Gosling, Norris, Coughlan, Connolly, Barnes, Wright Phillips, Noone - all promised once that the 'sleeping giant' of Home Park might actually have what it takes to wake up. We had hope, and dreams. To others it might have seemed silly but when you look at the players who have come and gone and the results we got I don't think it was too far away for a moment there. It is now.

What's gone wrong? Some might say that the clues were there when Ian Holloway defected to Leicester - apparently the club didn't have the money to match his ambition... or maybe it didn't have the ambition to match his ambition. Or was it the decision to bring ol 'Luggy' Paul Sturrock back in? I'm not sure. I think from a financial ruin point of view it could well have been the Yasuaki Kagami takeover that broke the Pilgrims' back alongside his partners in the deal (with whom he seems to have little connection), the almost as distant Sir Roy Gardner and his buddy Keith Todd. While Stapleton still remains at the club it is as Vice Chairman and his influence on proceedings, once so positive, appears to have waned. Kagami saw a potential marketing opportunity of English football in Japan and Japanese players in the English league, and it looks like Gardner thought he'd piggy back along for the ride. And then of course there were Gardner's incredible, ill-advised and ultimately ill-fated World Cup ambitions for the city and club.

The World Cup bid was the latter's baby, and even if all had gone to plan would have been at most a temporary white elephant. Its failure represented a huge waste of money, time, resources and enthusiasm which could have gone into keeping the club afloat and the Championship. As far as Kagami was concerned, it appears that he eventually wised up to the facts that a) Plymouth are a small club with a limited attraction for those not from the south-western most corner of the UK, let alone Japan, and b) Japanese players even if good enough to play Championship football would be unlikely to be granted work permits to play. It seems as soon as this realisation came to him he decided to write off the sale as a loss and forget all about it, forgetting, or perhaps just not caring, about the thousands of loyal fans that effectively invested in the club on a weekly basis with a greater proportion of their own personal fortunes. Even the players aren't being paid, and Peter Reid's paying the heating bill!

So, the lesson here? If you're a small club with a smallish but loyal fanbase hoping for the big time don't rely on random foreign investors working with so called big businessmen. The reason we did well before was a sound and prudent running of the club's finances (which started under McCauley I should point out), some excellent bargain basement buying of players and some good management from Sturrock, Williamson, Pulis and Holloway. Then a disinterested foreign owner comes in, pays for the club but injects no money into what needs financing, including tax bills, and here we are. 10 points deducted, bottom of League 1 and a struggling side with no confidence or wages and a chance of going out of business. There seems no hope right now. It's depressing, don't know what more to say....

So, to tonight. I'm off to sit in the home end at the Withdean (I live in Brighton nowadays, for logistical reasons was tough to get away end tickets) and hopefully struggle to keep my mouth shut when the Greens score.... although given this is now top vs bottom my confidence isn't high. I may be back on dreckly to discuss further,,,,



Edit - a week late but given further news worth a poke


So I went, sat in the quite frankly awful Withdean for a half with the Brighton fans, saw nothing that cheered me up on the subject. Also with this being the first time I've seen Peter Reid's Argyle in the flesh I suddenly realised (/remembered from his days at other clubs) - he is not a footballing manager. There was not even an intention from Argyle to play any proper football. I'm not sure what they were trying.

At half time I had a text from a non-Argyle supporting mate who was in the away end saying he had a spare ticket on the gate, so I legged it round and saw the 2nd half from Portsmouth. Or at least it felt that far away. Anyway, not much better aside from better singing and banter from those around me at last. We brought Fallon on who gave some focus if very little actual ability. Hard to imagine he actually played in the World Cup. It finished 4-0 Brighton - fair play to the home lot though, in the Brighton stand there was a lot of sympathy to our plight being mumbled. They know where we are, in fact probably pulled themselves back from much worse. It gives us some hope. Although their fans do need to learn to sing up a bit.

That said, some more numbers have been published that don't make for clever reading. Given the measly amounts of money flying around lower league football at the moment £5 million just to keep us going until the end of the season seems highly optimistic. And just a ridiculously huge figure for such a small club. I can't even pretend to understand the financial workings of my own meagre existence, let alone a football club, but it just seems so big. And there's that much again owed still on top of it!

Pitifully I've never taken much notice of other clubs in similar troubles, thinking to myself "well they probably screwed themselves, they deserve it", which while in some ways true doesn't in anyway reflect on the heart of a football club - the fans. I don't put myself on any sort of pedestal as a fan - I've lived away from the south west  for most of my adult life (and anyway am from 2 hours away from Home Park), and when I've lived down there have often been playing football on a Saturday rather than watching it, but from the first game I saw there (a thrilling 0-0 draw in the cup against Kidderminster Harriers) I've felt connected and I know there are tens of thousands far more worthy Argyle fans than me going through hell. The thought of there being no club is too much to consider for anyone.

Ok enough, back to listening to Half Man Half Biscuit...

There'll be days....

Well it's not been quite a year since I last wrote anything here, which is a relatively short gap by my occasional blogging standards, and my how life has changed since then. Anyone who's reading this is probably up to speed anyway, and it's of no great consequence to what I might write, so I won't detail much here. Other than to say that I'm now going to be writing a company travel blog elsewhere, and I feel I should start to get in more practice vis a vis writing things a bit more, even if it's the normal meaningless drivel I'll tend towards on these pages.

I have a vague intention to update this on a Tuesdaily basis for that is currently a day I have off from work. The central notion of this initial post was actually brought to me by the beginnings of a poem that came to me as I was trying to motivate myself to write it. I say poem. That might be too kind. Especially as I'm currently listening to The Magnetic Fields, the musical output of Stephen Merritt, a master wordsmith who makes me cower into submission whenever I listen to the small amount of his work that I own. And anyway, it's more a set of rules than anything else.

It's just about Tuesday right now (25 minutes in as I type this), so we're good on that (and maybe only that) count. The point of this is basically to answer the various excuses I'll probably try to make to not write anything in the future. You should note I've had 2.25 cans of Carlsberg Export before I attempt this:



There'll be days when I've overhung, on those days I shall be cynical and rash.
There'll be days when I feel overdone, then I will just wing it unabashed.
There'll be days when my mind is blank, I shall promote the minds of others.
There'll be days with nothing in the tank, I'll write from beneath the covers.

There'll be days I cannot trust my thoughts, so will only deal in facts.
There'll be days I'll choose a different course, but write it up with tact.
There'll be days I feel low and frown, I'll dare to let it vent.
There'll be days I have pain in my crown, I'll write until I'm spent.

There'll be days upon days of pointless self-assessment.
Those are the days I should just strive to look at what is brilliant.


I'm not sure, I might come back to it one day. It sort of works though I think.

A couple of things I've come across of late that have amused me:

The Onion's seasonally targeted report on a new type of condom (Thanks to Tim F for pointing this out)
Also my friend Tom blogs less often than he should, and his last one on the possibilities of combining dating and blood donation is an absurd touch of genius, the sort of which I'm sure our Prime Minister would snap up for his Big Society, if only he could read.


See you next Tuesday
GST (aka Matt)

Less premature World Cup thoughts

So, some 6 months after my original post we're getting down to the nitty gritty of it all. Players being talked out of international retirement, uncapped previously badly regarded players making late runs for the final squad, and even a player who at the time of my last post was playing Championship football has, in some commentators' eyes, done enough to go to South Africa. Tomorrow Fabio names his 30 man squad to be reduced to 23 after the 2 friendlies later this month. For me the 30 isn't that interesting, but the 23 is, and so I will continue to focus on the final squad.

Firstly some acknowledgements resulting from November's pseudo-prediction. Upson has lost form completely, so much so that the sublime but physically flawed Ledley King seems a certainty to go whether Upson does or not. In honesty I was too quick to write Ledley off and while he's not exactly reliable fitness wise he's probably in the best shape he's been in all season, and a fit & on form King is a hell of a prospect. We need our best players. I'm converted.

James Milner is a genuine contender and me saying it was 'too soon' was itself 'too soon'. Especially now with Barry doubtful, his flexibility, and even more so his ability, makes Milner a serious player, and thus a serious contender. I can't now see any reason to take David James. I'll stick by Robbo as the experienced option, but James's confidence can't be too high and I couldn't make him number 1 on form or ability I feel. Joe Hart is a must-take and despite his solitary cap may even be the man for the first team. It would be a massive call but his form is outstanding, confidence sparkling and the nominal number 1 Robert Green could be affected by a relegation battle playing behind a dodgy defence.

Walcott is another one that is, at least, far from certain as things stand. The most competitive position for England seems to be wide, especially right, midfield, and Theo for all his endeavour hasn't quite settled this season into any kind of consistent devastating form. That, and the meteoric rise of the impressive Adam Johnson means he's certainly not a certainty. We will see...

There have also been injuries. Beckham, Gibbs, Barry (probably), Woodgate (who was never fit to be fair!), Brown all appear to have been ruled out of contention by injury. Owen Hargreaves has had next to no game time for Man Utd (a deliberate ploy by Sir Alex??), Joe Cole hasn't broken back into Chelsea's first team straight away since his comeback, various others have struggled with form, fitness and personal lives since November. Heskey has done little at Villa Park due to fitness issues as well as form. All unforeseeable back then.

What was also unforeseeable to me is the apparent determination to persuade Jamie Carragher to return for the tournament. Regardless of any other non-footballing reasons, surely anyone who has witnessed the steady decline of Carragher over the last 2 years at Anfield can't really put their faith in a player who even at his best was nothing more than a determined trier making the most of modest ability for his club badge? There are far more deserved recipients of a ticket to South Africa.

OK, so on the back of all that and more, my 23 to take to South Africa are as follows:

GK: Hart, Green, Robinson

DF: Terry, Ferdinand, King, Johnson, A Cole, Baines, Jagielka, Dawson

MF: Lampard, Gerrard, Lennon, Milner, A Johnson, J Cole, Huddlestone, Walcott

FW: Rooney, Defoe, Crouch, Zamora

To elaborate on one or 2 more of these that I haven't mentioned before: Firstly 3 new defenders I had previously not alluded to. Injury and adultery have taken away 2 reserve left back options. Baines is simply the next in line and while one would hope he isn't required if he is he can provide doggedness to the left flank, and a splendid crossing left foot. Jagielka may have benefited from getting his injury in while others were playing themselves out of form plus his flexibility to cover right back and defensive midfield as well as centre half makes him a good, if unproven, squad player. Michael Dawson has improved without measure this season for Spurs and I believe can actually get better still. He'd be 4th choice centre back but I feel he would be more trustworthy than Upson or Lescott.

Huddlestone gets in due to Barry's injury. It's a massive call (and no, I'm not a Spurs fan, heaven forbid!) but the other options to cover holding midfield aren't great. Carrick is well out of favour at Old Trafford and Hargreaves has played about 30 seconds in the last 18 months. Phil Neville lacks the character at international level. I can think of no other serious contenders. The Hud is another to have improved hugely this season and while I wouldn't pick him in the first eleven he could have a big part to play. Adam Johnson is a great wildcard. Fresh, new, quick, tricky, exciting. He doesn't have it all, but he has quite a lot. Potentially game-changing impact sub material. I understand Joe Cole is struggling to make the 30 (although perhaps his persistence in assisting Chelsea's 8th yesterday will count towards him) but for me he's at most ease on the international stage and thrives in such situations. He'd have to play himself into the first XI during the group stage but potentially a key creative influence late in games. And yes, I've taken Walcott, purely based on his pace. He is electric and that will scare the best defenders. One dimensional as he may be the fact remains that defenders hate playing against outstanding pace. Theo has it.

Finally, Bobby Zamora. Call me a bandwagon-jumper if you must (I have been called worse) but hell, he has come through exceptionally well this season. While Carlton Cole faded badly (partly to do with injury) Bobby has played, scored and generally excelled against some of the finest sides in Europe and at home. He may be a one season wonder but hell, what are the alternatives? Heskey surely can't have done enough now (fingers crossed), Bent has been excellent all season by I stand by my previous comment that he doesn't have the bottle for international football, Agbonlahor needs to work on the physical side of his game. I'm not a fan of the 'big man in front of Rooney' theory and so he would only be a sub but he could have a tangible impact. So there you go.

For what it's worth, my team against Brazil in the Quarters would be:

Hart

Johnson
A Cole
Ferdinand
King

Gerrard
Lampard
Milner
Lennon
J Cole

Rooney

I've always maintained the Gerrard/Lampard issue was a case of poor management, and I'm sure Fabio can make it work. I've dropped Terry for King purely on my own preference.


Anyway, you probably think I'm wrong on all counts. Who wants to fight about it?

Airport 85 - Album Review of 'Too Soon'

I was until recently unaware of the work of Airport 85. Probably because this is their 1st released work, at least as far as I can discern. One of their number, a man (I believe it is a male anyway, certainly looks so in the photo) whom I follow on my adjoining Twitter profile asked for people to do a review on said social networking website. I have in the past reviewed music, although more gigs than recorded material, and rather enjoying it I put my hand up. I have no major affiliation, friendship or kin with he or any of his number although his Twitterings do suggest he is a decent enough fellow, if slightly accident prone.

Anyway, the album. It opens with 'Knockout', which reminds me a little of Smash Mouth's All Star for some reason. It's a persistent little tune which wouldn't be out of place backing a credits reel at the end of a feel good film about Sandra Bullock's fear of knowing the truth, or some such (sorry, I'll try to keep the crappy 'wouldn't be out of place' shit to a minimum if I can). The guitar sound & harmonised backing vocals are tightly knit and its an enjoyable opener.

'Fifteen Certificates' is a bit more up my street, with a sweet little backing riff with some funky electric tricks & wistful vocals. There is a persistent feeling that this is a rejected latter day Stereophonics track, however one rejected because it showed a little too much creativity for Kelly's liking. The slightly paranoid ghostly lyrics near the end conjure up memories of some late 90s indie which is no bad thing either.

Next comes 'All The Answers' which again wouldn't have sounded out of place on a 'Shine' album, although it would be one of those severely indebted to the 80s like Electronic or the Boo Radleys. I can imagine this would be a great live track with its atmospheric atmospheric chorus and again a strong guitar, although the ending that I expected it to build up to didn't quite happen.

There's been a lot songs about Japan, and unsurprisingly, 'Japanese Movies' is no different. Well, I think so anyway... Some nice changes of heaviness of sound and what sounds like a dual vocal work well, & with a very danceable electric instrumental section that sounds ripe for remix this could well be a popular song. It took me the whole song to work out that it reminded of New Order's Regret, which is probably no bad thing.

I'm unsure if 'Fox' is specifically about an animal fox or a hot female humanoid. I'm assuming the latter unless the band are mates with Otis Ferry and the fox has a lot of problems. A lovely guitar solo in the midst of it gives it some real feeling, as the verses were in danger of boring me slightly. As with the other songs it feels very tight and hasn't been overproduced where it matters. A good sign.

'Cleveland' alas probably isn't about everyone's favourite Family Guy character. The tremoloing sound which probably isn't a banjo or mandolin (or is it...?) gives this song a haunting quality, while the xylophonic sound misfits in a good way, keeping one on one's toes. If I was sat at a party on my own, and drifted off into my own thoughts as I watched others enjoy themselves, I'd expect this to be playing in my minds ear. Well, it would anyway, if I wasn't such a damn party animal. But I digress... My favourite song so far.

'Night Crossing' starts like it might be a bit more, well, Kings of Leony, but the understated vocal tears that illusion apart. There is an anthemic quality (a description I loathe, I'll try and find a better one sometime) to this, and its another welcome return to that early-mid 90s feel. It feels good, radiates positivity, even when the singer declares "I'm hopeless, & I'm falling". I do abhor excessive use of the 'La' in lyrics, so marked down for that I'm afraid. Possible single/indie club material.

And next... 'Always Breathe' starts with a chilled electric sound, it could almost be from Cafe Del Mar. The intro dragged somewhat for me as on the basis of the other songs so far Airport 85 don't fail to get involved early. As the song went on I started to realise that this was probably all there was to it. Sounded ok, but a bit lazy in my honest although not well respected opinion.

However, then comes the spiky riff & sly bass playing at the start of 'River's Edge' to get things going again. Solid verse, and the well constructed bridge vocal harmony almost echoes The Animal Collective. It fires into a chorus at the end in which nothing is resolved (and why should it be?) before crashing to a finish. Good stuff.

A quiet start to 'Persona' moves into a whimsical verse which I'm sure promises "I'll stay till the badgers die", which is an admirable promise to anyone. Is there a woodland creature theme to this album? A little jangly guitar builds into a chunkier if not heavier sound, and another stubborn riff leads us into a chorus that could have been Bernard Butler playing for Damon Albarn. The ending builds up to a fiery final chorus before breaking back down to a slightly overdrawn coda. Another strong song that I thought would befitting to end the album. However 'tis a mere precursor to the finale.

'Saboteurs' starts off feeling like another Cafe Del Mar floaty number but we get some vocals that make it sound like its on a stage at a festival, but not the one your currently standing 3 foot deep in mud next to. Dare I say it sounds like Thom Yorke got some happy pills & some funky synth noises? There, I did. Certainly echoes of some Stone Roses tracks I enjoyed but have forgotten the name of too. Again, another one for the DJs to make a bit of merry hell with.


Overall I've enjoyed Airport 85's debut, and while I listened to it through the player on their site, I will be bookmarking it to buy & download when my next salary comes through (I only buy music/films/books in 1st few days of pay month, rest of excess cash goes on beer for rest of month). There's a few tracks that really stand out for me - 'Persona', 'River's Edge', 'Cleveland' and 'Japanese Movies', and overall I'd say that while there's not a huge legitimately original sound on the album, the way it and most of the songs have been put together shows a genuine musical intelligence and love of their at-times obvious influences, which I can respect. In these changing times I think many would find something to enjoy within these online walls.

I don't do marks, but I'll assign a number anyway:

34

Queen - Greatest Hits 20 & counting....

I was reasonably lucky as child, growing up with parents with passable record collections (Pink Floyd, Clapton, Eagles, Kinks, Dire Straits), but there were quite a few aberrations interspersed amongst them (Meatloaf, Chris de Burgh, Phil Collins). One band I think both (long-time divorced) parents, plus my step mother also, would probably agree with is Queen, and as a result my mid-late teens were spent obsessing about this quite frankly preposterously over the top and loud bunch of posers, and ensuring that I had some copy whether on tape, CD or LP of their every work.

This is something I can no longer maintain is the case as I have no desire to listen to whatever it was they released with some guy who isn't Freddie singing and so didn't buy into all that 'Queen +' crap, and my musical tastes have developed a wanting for something with, dare I say it, a little more depth and consideration to it. However, Freddie, Brian, John and Roger will always hold a special place in my heart, and as I once saw Roger Taylor say in some Queen Doc or another, Queen are like "...coming back to mother." That is assuming your mother is hairy, rather loud and fond of skin tight leather clothing. Which she is. Yours, that is...

So anyway, my problem right now is the classifying of Queen's 'Greatest' music. A band unafraid of accusations of cynically exploiting a festive buying period with a 'brand new' Greatest Hits-type album release, Queen have many combinations of what they or more probably their record company deem to be their best work. While Greatest Hits 1 & 2 to some, including me, will have been a classic route into the band's work both have some serious music quality issues. This is especially true of 1, which from their earliest albums completely ignores the well constructed and far easier on the ear tracks such as 'Keep Yourself Alive' and 'Liar' and instead runs with the cringeworthily anthemic 'We Are The Champions' and 'We Will Rock You'. Heresy.

With the advent of the 'Absolute Greatest' compilation currently spamming our TV ad breaks, I've decided that enough is enough, and have decided to put together my own definitive selection of the 20 truly great Queen songs. Criteria is solely personal taste (mine), and while I'm sure many will recognise the vast proportion of these songs I hope that some will discover a gem they were hitherto unaware of. Thus I give you Queen - A Subjective Greatest Hits:

1) Keep Yourself Alive - As soon as that "chigchiggachigchigachigachigachig" guitar starts off, and Roger starts pounding out the beat the hairs on my spine, if it has any, tingle with anticipation. Possibly their best ever song, and hardly anyone's ever heard of it. Scandalous.

2)Innuendo - An epic. Better than Bohemian Rhapsody in my opinion as it doesn't now represent a clichéd or novelty song, but one that tells of a personal struggle, and sounds like it too. A great deal of fun, too, and alongside the cover of 'These Are The Days Of Our Lives' a fitting end to Freddies' living output.

3) Hammer To Fall - For a long time my all time favourite Queen track, this is perfect stadium rock. Punchy solos, definitive vocals. Oh, and some poundingly fiery rhythm work from Messrs Deacon and Taylor. Tight as fuck. Damn they were good.

4) Seven Seas Of Rhye - Talk of privy counsellors, nudism and thunder-fire has never been better placed. Ridiculous lyrics, the drama of the piano-to-drumroll at the start and some good ol' fashioned Freddie screaminess in harmony with the guitar.

5) Stone Cold Crazy - Cracking riff, tick tocking verses and a live essential. Yet more nonsense lyrics (Slide Trombone?) but lets not get too deep about this. Some lovely layered guitar from Brian at the bridge lead into its dramatic conclusion!

6) You're My Best Friend - I don't know, it's a bit soppy but there's something about the 'bdow bow bow bow' and a cracking sentimental performance from Mercury that makes me a bit warm inside.

7) Tie Your Mother Down - Possibly the ultimate Queen live rocker (wait, did I say that before?) the kick-ass riff and over the top performance screams party. I've used this song too many times to get myself in the mood for a night out. And now resolve to go back to this ritual. Its perfect for the purpose.

8) Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy - It's a bit silly but nicely constructed and I think the lyrics paint a picture of that suave sophisticated type of chap who knows all the right things to say that we'd all like to be. And I do enjoy that comical little solo from May at the bridge.

9) Get Down Make Love - The suspense at the start of this would be perfect in an intro to some sort of sexy spy noir thriller. It's some classic seedy Queen focussing on ambivalent sexual themes ("You suck my mind, I blow your head", for example). Naughty.

10) Bicycle Race - And yet more silliness. But it's a bit more - it's a family friendly song that mentions Cocaine, which is a dubious achievement and come on, 100s of naked models riding bikes? I should have just left it at that...

11) Put Out The Fire - Bit more of cock rocky riff here, and some husky lyrics from Fred. To be honest, it's not a great song by any means, but as teenager in front of the mirror with my Lynx can microphone it was a joy to sing along to. And it's anti-guns (I THINK?) so that's all good.

12) Radio Ga Ga - Inspired by Roger's baby child, or so he says, Radio GaGa is a genuine Queen classic that appeals to most fans. Its sentiment while eventually proven not to be a pressing matter, although it was close there for a moment, is worthy and its a classic Queen anthemic chorus without getting annoying. Just.

13) Tear It Up - Maybe their last true rocking song, it has all the key ingredients. Pounding rhythm, guitar genius and some definitive if somewhat nonsensical lyrics. I understand what he wants to do, but can't quite get my around why...

14) Friends Will Be Friends - Again a bit soppy & sentimental, but hey this is Queen. Another one which I can't find too much reason to recommend it, other than it's a well written song beautifully performed. If it hasn't been used in some form of 'friendship' montage in a film it's a travesty.

15) The Invisible Man - Oh yes, now this is Queen at their most ridiculous. The concept of a song about the Invisible Man seems so obvious though, and John Deacon's bass line really gets to the bottom of the subject matter. Ghoulish....

16) I Can't Live With You (Queen Rocks version) - the original was a bit wet so for the (yes, compilation) Queen Rocks they rocked it up a bit. May gets going on his axe and it pumps more than an Arabian desert.

17) Heaven For Everyone - Posthumous release which was the 1st Queen release I definitely remember coming out. I wish I could find the video featuring a Fritz Lang type film as that pretty much made the song. Interestingly (probably for Queen nuts only) done by Roger Taylor's own band The Cross many years earlier.

18) One Vision - Done for some forgotten US war-glorifying film, I believe, another classic riff that stands the test of time. I have to say the lyrics almost border on the Bone-like, which is unforgivable, but I'll let it be as Brian May's guitar work is sublime. And they say 'Fried Chicken' right at the end.

19) Headlong - There's nothing you can, nothing you can, nothing you can do about it. But seriously, it's another pounding rhythm suggesting train travel or similar, and also reminds a little of 70s bands like Black Sabbath. For about 5 seconds. And another great solo.

20) Killer Queen - Camp, silly, & sounds beautiful. Contains possibly the campest solo in British rock, at least. Something about eating cake, China, and a word that sounds like 'beastimulous' which can't be right. But sod it, it's Queen. Enjoy.


OK, that took a while (I actually got about half way about 3 weeks ago and then lost focus, Christmas came & went, and I only remembered again today), but for me at least its been worth it. I've rediscovered a band I truly worshipped as an impressionable teenager, and I think realised why I always liked them in the first place - simply because they are fun. Whether it's rocking socks, getting a bit silly or simply exploring a seedier, dirtier side of life, it's all done in a happy & honest way.

Forget the cheese, try some of these!

Enjoy the 'cliché' anthems if you will, but I reckon given a bit of searching you'll find what Queen were really about right here.